What She Wanted
by aurorstar18
Summary: Collins meets someone he's never met before who could change his life, but will he allow them to help him?
1. Loss

_**Chapter One **_

_**Disclaimer: Rent isn't mine!**_

_**So, I'm sort of running out of steam with my other story: 'The Dramas of Holidaying with Angel', and rapidly running out of ideas, so I decided to start a new story to turn to if this happens again. If you have other ideas for the other story, email me on or review. I'm not abandoning the other one, I'm just slowing down with it, so that I can write quality, because I'm writing a lot of crap at the moment, instead of taking my story anywhere where I want it to go. So this is a new one that may sound a bit outrageous in terms of the whole concept of the plot, but bear with it… hopefully I can make this as good as the other story. Another note with this one, I want the readers to have more input. A few of the people that I know personally who've read it say that they want more of a say with what happens. At the end of some chapters, there's going to be a question with a multiple choices. Answer in a review or an email what option you want and I'll incorporate it into the story. This one's also going to be a long term story, so that it'll be there for me to turn to when I'm having a bit of writers block. Anyways, on with the story! Enjoy!**_

_XXXX_

"_God, Collins, you sound so crazy!" Angel said, slapping him lightly on the arm. He stuck his tongue out at her and took her hand, tracing the lines on her palm. She giggled and pulled her hand away, "That tickles. Anyway, I find it hard to believe that you used to be into girls."_

"_Yeah, I did…" Collins smiled at her and turned to look out the window, "They were all one night stands though. I still think about some of the girls that I left sleeping early in the morning with no explanation."_

"_You're an asshole…You left them with nothing?"_

"_Yeah, but if I had have offered them explanations then I mightn't have been able to leave them ever, and I wouldn't have met you, Ang."_

"_Then I'm glad you left them…"_

"_Me too…"_

_XXXX_

Collins squinted against the harsh light that streamed through the window. He groaned and tried to sit up. His head spun and he lay back down again. Empty bottles littered the floor and there were pizza boxes staked on the kitchen benches. If she'd have been alive, she would have been out there cleaning them up. But then if she had have been alive, then the apartment probably wouldn't have been in such a mess anyway.

"God Angel…" His voice was hoarse and his head pounded like a beating drum.

He bit his bottom lip and sat up. He rubbed his cheek with his fingertips. The floor was hard and he could feel the lines between the tiles imprinted on his face. He stood and looked around the apartment again in dismay, "Shit." He said, pushing some of the bottles out of his way with his foot. They made a tinkling sound that made his head pound.

After showering and forcing down some coffee, he took a box from under his bed and sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall. He put the box on the floor in front of him and opened the lid. He flicked through the photos of Angel like he did every morning. Like every day, he smiled at certain photos, he came close to tears. He listened to the tape that Angel had made for him before he died. He sat on the sofa and put the tape in the player. He leant back and closed his eyes and let Angels sweet voice wash over him:

"Hi baby, well it's me… obviously. If you're listening to this, then I'm gone… and you have all the stuff that I left for you. I hope you like the apartment. I know that you're probably still trying to find a way to deal with this, if I know you as well as I think I do, and I do. And also, if I know you as well as I think I do, you're going to listen to this tape every day. No matter what I say, you're going to listen to it every day. I hope you don't miss me too much… oh god, that was a stupid thing to say… of course you miss me. I think I miss you too, if I can miss someone wherever I'm going. Shit… I don't want to die, Tom. I don't want to leave all the others, especially not Mimi… I don't know how she's going to cope without me. That sounded so bad… I mean, could my head get any further up my ass… I just think that she's going to end up on drugs again. I don't want her to be a junkie anymore. Can you keep on her back about staying off drugs? Roger too. I don't think that he can handle a trauma like this… I think he's going over the edge. Make sure that Mark gets laid. Find him a nice boy… or girl…and get him laid. That's your new mission. I want Maureen to start being nice to Joanne or fin someone new, and I want Joanne to find a nice girl who treats her right! And you. I want you to find…find someone to love you, and I want you to love them. I need you to love them like you loved me. Jesus, that's so hard for me to say. Please just don't be all mopey. I know that you're going to drink copious amounts of alcohol, and you're not going to leave the apartment for months, and you're not going to go into our room for another few months. You're going to look at the box of shit I left you every day… Please, when you feel ready, I want you to call the others, because they're going to support you in whatever you do. I made a tape for all of them too, just to make sure. Anyway, baby, this is the last tape that I've made and my throat is beginning to burn… I don't think I can talk much more. So I leave you with I love you and goodbye…"

Collins looked at his hands and began to cry as the song that Angel had taped after her message. It was their song, the one that they always danced to, sung when drunk, the one that was playing all the time on those late nights when they just lay in each others arms. He mouthed the words, unable to make his voice work and pictured her sitting net to him, dancing along next to him and singing at the top of her lungs.

He sat for an hour and then looked up. He looked around and sighed, "Fuck." He said, standing up, "This place is a fucking mess."

He began to clean. He put all of the bottles in the bin and put the pizza boxes outside on the fire escape in a garbage bag. He cleared everything off the tables and put it all in the trash. When he was done, he surveyed the room. It was better, but could never be perfect without his Angel.

He sat on the sofa and out his head in his hands.

There was a knock on the door.


	2. Anna

_**Chapter Two **_

_**Disclaimer: Rent isn't mine!**_

_**So, this is the second chapter already. It feels good to be working on something new. I feel like I know these characters like a family, so it's great being able to write about them.**_

_**XXXX**_

"_Collins, wouldn't it be great to have children?" Angel said, setting a steaming cup of coffee in front of her lover, "Don't you think?"_

"_I guess so." He watched the steam curl and swirl before disappearing into the air. He didn't really know if he wanted kids. He didn't know if he'd be a good father. He'd had a sack of flour to care for in high school, but he'd dropped it after an hour and failed the assignment._

"_You don't think so?" Angel said, sitting across from him at the table._

"_I dunno. Would we be good parents?" _

"_Of course we would, sweetie."_

"_I still don't know…"_

"_Oh Tom, I don't want a baby… I just think it'd be nice."_

_XXXX_

Collins stood and walked to the door. He hadn't seen anyone but the pizza delivery guy for months since Angel had died. He put his hand on the doorhandle and turned it slowly. He pulled it open.

On his doorstep stood a teenage girl with skin the same colour as his and black hair which had been braided into hundreds of tiny braids which she'd pulled off her face with a bright green ribbon. She wore a simple white shirt and jeans. She carried an overnight bag.

"Who are you?" Collins said.

"You're not how I expected you to be." She said, surveying him carefully.

"Who are you?" He repeated monotonously. He didn't want to see anyone. All he wanted to do was wallow and perhaps drink some more beer.

"Can I come in?"

"I don't care…Yeah, come in." He stepped aside and the girl walked past him. She put her bag on the floor next to the door and she sat on the sofa. Collins sat at the kitchen table and looked at her.

"Who are you?"

"Well… I think it's more a question of who you are."

"Me?"

"Do you remember a girl called Patrice Humphreys?" She said, "You went to college with her?"

"Patrice… Patty?"

"That's the one… Well I'm her daughter."

"Okay…" He had a strange feeling about her. He felt like he knew her already.

"Well, the thing is… I think I might also be your daughter."

"My d-daughter?"

"Yeah… You slept with my mother after a party…"

"Yeah, I did… But I was wearing a- " Collins' eyes widened as

he came to a realisation.

_XXXX_

"_Shit!" Collins said from the bathroom._

"_What?" Patty said from the bedroom where she was smoking a cigarette. She stood, bringing the sheet with her to preserve what modesty was left after what had just happened. She padded into the bathroom, a curious look on her face, "What happened, baby?" She rubbed his shoulders and brought her hands down over his chest._

"_It broke."_

"_What broke?"_

"_The condom. It fucking broke."_

"_Shit!" She said._

"_Nothing can happen… right? I mean, it's just once." _

"_Right…" Patty smiled and walked around to face him. She stood on her toes and kissed him on the lips, "Nothing can happen."_

XXXX

"It broke didn't it?"

Collins nodded, "But nothing… she said nothing was going to happen."

"Well obviously it did."

He looked up at the girl who was probably his daughter. He didn't know what to think, he didn't know what to do. Angel had always said it'd be nice to have a daughter or a son. "That party was a few weeks before graduation... I never saw her after we graduated… How's she doin'?"

"She's dead. That's why I'm here. I read a letter that she left me. It said to find my father. She listed a few men she'd slept with around that time. You were the last."

"Oh man…" Collins stood and began to pace. He walked to the sofa, turned around and walked back to the kitchen again.

"I'm Anna, by the way."

"Anna… Nice name."

"So you're my father."

"Yeah… I suppose I am… although, we should get you tested… just to make sure."

"I guess so…" She said.

Collins smiled, "This was what she wanted…"

"What who wanted?"

"Everyone has a story… If I'm your father, you should know mine." He sat down next to her on the sofa, "I was born in Harlem, moved to Alphabet City when I was four and have lived around this area ever since. I dated girls during college, but then I realised that I didn't really like girls… and then I met Angel. He rescued me from rotting in an alleyway after some bastards mugged me… and then I found out that he was a drag queen who had AIDS… like me-"

"You have AIDS?"

Collins nodded, "And we were together eleven months before he died… He died six months ago, and I haven't left this apartment since." Collins pulled a photograph out of the box of photos which still lay open on the table. He handed it to Anna, "This is me and him… On our only New Years Day…"

"She's very beautiful." Anna said quietly, realising that Collins needed someone who wasn't going to judge him.

"I know… I miss her."

There was a silence and Anna stared at the photo of Collins next to Angel. She stared at the photo of Collins. His face shone and he smiled widely. His eyes sparkled like the glittered dress that Angel wore. She looked up at the broken man that sat before her, his cheeks were hollow and his skin dull and pale. He looked as if he hadn't shaved in weeks and the light had left his eyes.

"You need to see your friends…" Anna said.

"First we need to figure you out, where are you staying?"

"As of yet, nowhere…I arrived here an hour ago…"

"You can sleep on the couch."

"Thank you."

"I have a friend at the AIDS clinic. I'm sure they can do a DNA test."

"And until then…"

"Then you stay here."

"Thank you."

XXXX


End file.
